Confidence in your eyes

How much more is it going to be said, to build confidence, whether as a man or woman, you have to stop looking down and start looking at the face of the person you're speaking to.

Let me be honest to you, I don't have the tendency to become a bully, not at all, but if I see that the person I'm talking with does not know how to make eye contact with me, that person is weak as far as my evaluation of the person is concerned.

It's simple to make eye contact, the person you're speaking with is just as nervous as you are, unless that individual has learned to master the art of 'eye communication'.

Let's say you don't like looking at the pupils of your audience, trying looking at something else, for example the Nose or forehead, it might be simpler for you to look at these two features of the face rather than the eyeballs.

A woman should possess impeccable eye contacts skills,  why? Because it shows that she won't be bullied by men who have mastered this art but rather will be seem at thesame level as they are.

I have a friend (girl)  who does nothing but looks me in the eye when she speaks, the first time I started talking with this girl, I found it hard to make eye contact because it somewhat intimidated me to feel a pair of female eyes peering deep into my soul as I spoke and this sort of made me feel conscious of my words as I spoke.

Eye contact is essential if you are planning on being seen as a confident person, it does not matter if you are an Outspoken individual, if your eye contact skill is lacking, I'm afraid it's all for naught.

Walk confidently as a man

OK this is a tricky business,

As a man, to walk confidently you have to walk slowly (not sluggish) but it depends.

Why should you walk slowly?
Walking slowly is a major indicator that tells people looking at you that you are sure of yourself to a great extent and you don't need to rush yourself to wherever it is you're going (be it a meeting or an appointment)

Your walk says a lot about your confidence before you open your mouth, I've noticed some guys walk with their toes pointed sideways, this is bad.

Instead when you walk, make sure your toes are pointing forward. It's only common sense to walk this way, even animals don't point their toes sideways when they walk and hop, it's always pointed forward .

if you are as a busy person, in the office or on the street and you need to walk to your destination within a limited timespan, walking slowly might not be a good idea. In that case you have to walk fast. but listen, when I say "Walk fast"  I don't mean to 'hop'  or 'jog', instead you have to walk with an aim, you have to take your time on every step and yet move fast at the same time.

As you walk, make sure you put your feet in front of the other, not like catwalking! You're not a woman, put your feet in front of the other and make sure your thighs aren't rubbing on themselves.

On the other hand if you have no urgent needs, make sure you walk slowly (not sluggish)  walk firmly too, your feet must be firm on the ground in case you run into someone who might be running in your direction.

The funny thing is, I don't see any point in running except there's a danger nearby, I for one make effort to move fast on my feet and still walk slowly as well.

If you have problems knowing what I mean by walking slowly, study the way Royalty walks, don't emulate them though because they have nowhere they need hurrying to.  Study royalty walks and add a quicker pass to it, that's exactly how you should walk!  As a man.

How to talk confidently

How do you talk confidently?
In my experience, whenever I am sure of myself, I get my earnest face on and speak about what I know I would. For example;

Girl: Can you cook?
Me: *looks her straight in the face* Absolutely.

Now I'm not saying you should lie about what you know you can't do, and I'm not saying you should be arrogant about it.  Just be sure of yourself when you speak, don't look down, don't care what the listener is thinking or will think. TALK!

If you don't look down, or scratch the back of your head before you speak people will know you're sure of what you're saying. You have to speak smoothly while you speak as well, else people will think you're trying to lie your way through a sentence.Don't talk too much, instead, economize your words. For example; this example is a lack of confidence in one's words

Girl: Can you cook?
Boy: I can make a sandwich and some other things, I just haven't gotten around to the soup making part.

The girl will certainly know that this boy is trying to impress her with the little he knows.  A confident person doesn't try to impress with words, they don't need to explain their skills before you know how valuable they are. You don't ask a professional chef if he can cook, he'd probably reply with an "Oh please"  or "PFFT!".

Next time someone asks you a question to test your knowledge, don't say, just do.

Confidence

In my life I've learned one thing, if you are not confident about yourself and your actions, no one would take a second look at you.

Confidence matters in ALL we do, if you don't know what confidence is, do consult your dictionary. I am not here to define the word. Because there's no point knowing the definition of a word when you don't know how to execute the attribute

Confidence is the "I am sure of myself" attitude, this attitude can be in both optimistic and pessimistic situations. In front of a crowd, public speaking, talking to a lady or a guy, and so on

Confidence is the way you carry your 'self'  (with 'self' being your entire being) the way you walk, talk, look at people, your perception, your actions.

There's a lot to talk about on confidence, I'll start with "talk"  in my next post.

Overcome shyness with your phone.

The last time I talked about overcoming shyness and building confidence in oneself.
I emphasised on moving out of one's comfort zone just to improve on oneself, this time around, I'll be talking about using a very familiar tool to improve oneself.

Video recording: Yes, it's strange and familiar at the same time, the trick here is to record yourself and watch your actions. The days of practicing in front of a mirror are over, they say a camera never lies (how true it is you'll soon find out).

The other day I went to open a conversation with a girl I saw in a restaurant, I had a friend with me then, I asked him to make a video recording of my approach with the girl, he thought I was crazy.

At the end of the whole affair, I watched myself, where I said the wrong things and how my forehead furrowed at her rejection, in short I was disappointed and knew what I had to do to be better in my next approach.
It surely helped me in building confidence to approach the next girl I saw since I knew what not to do in front of her, and besides I had a chance to see myself in action.

My friend, if you have no body to record for you, it's fine. You can try to do your work on your own too.

Use video recording to your advantage and trust me, your shyness will dissipate as you watch yourself like a movie star *winks*. 

Overcome shyness 1

It's no news to hear that teenagers are a shy bunch, they might not admit it but most of them find it hard to express themselves to the public.
It has gotten to an alarming point of not being able express themselves in real life but would rather say everything they have to say to anyone, over the phone.
This is a bad lifestyle one should try as much as possible to drop.
I have this friend who is a girl and she once told me that she finds it hard to confront people face-to-face but would find it more comfortable to drop every bit of her emotions on a text message and emojis.
I just laughed and wondered. I wondered why this is so and what actions could be taken to help out my friend.
Eventually I realised that the problem came as a result of her growing up and how her parents treat her at home.

She rarely socialize or even speak when she's in public and this greatly affected her performance in school presentations and group works. She doesn't even know how to relate well with people in public.

If you are like my friend, there's hope because the only reason why she does so is due to low self-esteem. This can however be taken care of in a number of ways.
If you are the type that can only express yourself in chats and messages, switch to using voice messages,
if you prefer calling to messages, switch to face-to-face conversations,
if you prefer face-to-face, switch to speaking in groups,
if you speak in group, switch to speaking to a larger audience and so on.
Remember, gaining confidence actually starts with challenging yourself, move out of your comfort zone and eventually you get used to your uncomfortable situations.

Olu

Overcome low self-esteem. Build confidence.

How can you overcome low Self Esteem? There's nothing more explanatory to this than: Self respect

Much like pride, but not really pride, It's certainly not coupled with arrogance if that's what you're thinking
 But rather, it is what seperates you from those who haven't attained Self-acceptance
 You won't give yourself due respect of you don't accept that;
"I am this and that and nothing is going to change that. I just need to improve myself more"
 Look at "being shy" as a sub topic
 I am not a scientist or anything and haven't conducted fieldwork questionnaires to realise that, being shy is an obvious sign of low Self-Esteem (self respect).

 If you are a shy person, It's because you have not realised your strengths, and your weaknesses will be capitalized on by people of higher Self-esteem.

 Look at the school playground,
A Bully might not always be bigger than everyother kid on the playground, but he knows something they don't, he knows what that crybaby does not know. He knows what the insecure child doesn't know,
 He's knows his strengths, which is,
"I am not a crybaby, they are, and always will be"
 This is why he's the bully of the playground, because he knows whenever he pushes the kids around, they'll always shove over.

 My friend, anyone can have high  self-esteem, one does not need to have a big physical appearance before society sees one as a person of high Self-esteem, but that's only when they accept that,

"This is my weakness, and I'll never let anyone use it against me. I'll build more on my strengths."

If you're the shy type, a common trait among the youth society,
Capitalize on your strengths and it shall help you overcome your nervousness.

I myself I'm  still shy of dancing in public, But as far as I'm concerned it's the only thing I am afraid of doing in public, I'm sure if I can only realise that am a greater dancer than the next guy, maybe then I'll be able to overcome my nervousness.

My friend, if only you can look deep inside of yourself and see how great you are in what you do best, maybe you'll stop letting a bully push you over and start doing things yourself.

 Believe it or not, The playground is not the only place that has bullies.
High self Esteem is very much attainable.

Thank you very much for reading

You want a high self esteem? You need to work on self-acceptance

My friend, do you know what Self-acceptance is? If you don't know what self acceptance is you can't understand Self-esteem is because there's more to Self-esteem than what's in a dictionary.

 My father tells me often,
"Never forget who you are, ever"
(albeit said in yoruba).

 As a person with a young and wild mind I used to think this had to do with; don't join bad gangs, keep good company, blah blah blah.

 But I grew older and I realized that the saying had a wider scope attached to it.

 You see, as we change our environments, company, hobbies and many other things that influence our lives, We forget our origins. We forget what we used to be, we try to copy other ppl, we try to copy our friends decisions. We try to see things from another person's perspective.

 This is a double-edged sword, it works for and against us, adopting new lifestyles makes us forget who we are and what we used to be.
 This is bad especially if what we're changing into, is more to our detriment, we copy what we see unconsciously and no matter how much better we are than what we see, We copy it anyway and ignore our potentials and true self.

 We forget what we're capable of in the end,
 This is lack of self-acceptance, What we don't know is if we accept who we really are without allowing full dominance of foreign lifestyle, we will always end up better than the mindless crowd that copys everything they see like a primitive monkey.

 The moment you accept who and what you are, Is the first step to achieving optimum Self-esteem, the moment you know your strengths and capitalize on it, you become better for yourself and everyother you influence.

 Yes, everyone has their weakness, but if you discover this weakness before anyone does, they won't be able to use it against you.
I'll end with this, keep in mind that if you don't accept who you are, no one would give your presence acknowledgement, they'll only see you as just another copycat monkey.

Self-acceptance is just another step to build confidence. 

Self image matters

 I just read the definition of "Self-image"
 The idea one has of one's self about appearance, abilities and personality

According to the definition, the way one sees himself/herself is a great contribution to self Esteem
 Self Esteem to my own understanding is the amount confidence you have to execute actions especially in nervous situations.
It's a real annoyance that we humans can't see ourselves from a third person perspective and it has a telling effect on our psyche.

 "My name is Jacob, I am the best farmer in the village, I have a small farm though but I believe it is the best in the village even though Jack lives next door and has acres of crop land to disqualify my farm's potential, I still believe my farm is better than his."

This👆 is Jacob's self image
 He sees himself better than someone that the whole society deems superior to him, It's not a bad thing! In fact it makes him look at Jack as his equal rather than superior, and boosts his confidence/assertiveness when the both of them are called to defend their handwork.

 Now before I lose your attention, I'd like you to remember a famous quote from the Bible
"As a man Thinketh, so is he" (it had been clichéd... Unfortunately)

Although rich people are confident ( sort of) powerful people are more confident (or arrogant) but it's their thinking that makes them this way! The way they perceive their abilities and appearance. I've seen a beautiful girl that complains to me that she is "fat" even though she isn't, But the fact that she thinks of herself that way, there's nothing anyone else can say to change her mind easily.

Your Self-image can either be positive or negative and I've explained the positive side ( Farmer Jacob) and the negative part (the Beautiful "fat" girl)

Believe me! If you have positive self image, you'll be a step closer to attaining proper self development.
Having a negative one will not only make you see yourself as WEAK, but so will society in every aspect of your life.
I'll end with this
Be proud of who you are! Always think of yourself as "good enough, if not better!" Always

Fashion development

Fashion development
 Let's look at it from fashion today,  Not really fashion... But your dressing! Remember the old saying... "the way you dress is the way you're addressed"? That saying has been used too much, and yet you hardly see anyone making peace with it.

You see, your appearance goes a long way to contributing to your own self-development
Your appearance is decisive whether people will take you seriously or regard you as "just another person"

Your appearance contributes to your confidence!
If you're poorly dressed, you yourself won't feel good about it. when I say dressing, I don't mean buying expensive clothing or footwear.... No,
I simply mean keeping in line with what the correct fashion says.

Imagine a scene where you're in a seminar, and the speaker gets on stage... His hair and facial hair is unkempt, his clothes looks rather rumpled or wrinkled and there's a stain on the lower part of his trousers.... To top it all! He is wearing slippers!
 In your mind you'll be like,
"who is this clown? "
I am even sure you'll pay more attention to his outfit than his..."speech"
Therefore, you're not taking him seriously and he loses your audience.... This indirectly drains  his "feel-good juice" And he loses confidence.

 Your appearance matters, a lot! Moreso if you're in the presence of authority or a formal interview
 Or you're about to approach a girl even!
 Here's a little bit of tips you should take along with you
- buy clothes that fit you,
-make sure your colors match
-dress for the occasion, highly.
- wear good shoes! Even good sandals work!
-Keep your hair well kempt
-you don't have to follow trends, do what makes you happy, but do it correctly
-brush your tongue when  brushing your mouth, don't brush your teeth only! Mouth odour drains self-confidence
-keep good friends that tell you the truth about your appearance! (that's an extra)
 Remember
You don't have to spend a thousand dollars to be taken seriously, a few naira can work wonders if spent wisely.

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Be humble!

 Self development is very important.

 Humans grow everyday but unfortunately some people refuse to grow themselves psychologically
 There's a popular thing people will tell you when you're trying to attempt something alien to you, for example;

Facing a crowd,
Talking to authority
Facing social challenges e.t.c.

Normally when you prove anxious to people's eyes and tell them your insecurities the most clichéd reply you'll get
 "be yourself" or "be who you are and don't fake your behavior" but I find this not good enough especially if you wish to achieve somethings in life.

 Instead of "being yourself...." why not "improve yourself"?
Why not try to improve areas that are underdeveloped and will never help you unless you improve them?
You see, humans shouldn't be themselves when their "self" is below average by societal standards for example in the areas of self-confidence and assertiveness.

One need to improve some of these areas if you wish to be taken seriously by the world
Self development is crucial in your growth as a human being.

Now on to "Humility"
There is little to say on Humility because it's the right thing to be, in opposition to Pride
 Humility, concisely, is the act of being humble, that means the behavior one engages in that doesn't portray one as arrogant and being "full of themselves".

 It has its advantages,

People will respect you,
It brings Respect in regards to your decisions,
You'll discover that it makes you "undefined" when it comes to evaluation
It is a surprise attribute that facinates people to listen to you.
People will listen to your opinions more than an arrogant or pride counterpart,

There are disadvantages of humility as well.

But to me, I feel the biggest one is the problem of being overly underestimated.
 Because people don't, won't, and might not know what you're capable of,therefore they'll underestimate your ability since you're not a bragging person who talks about his achievements like a newscaster

So how can you be humble?

It's easy.... Keep your mouth shut about your achievements. Even when people ask you about it.. Tell your achievements as if it's nothing compared to other great feats (because really, it is nothing!) even the real "great" ppl of our time are mostly humble individuals who don't go about bragging about their business, achievements, experience and so on
If you've done some thing, remember someone else has done a lot more... Then maybe you'll be one step closer to being humble
Because no one relishes the ambiance of proud people. Why not be the opposite?