Talking confidently

The last time I spoke on the content of your speech in whatever environment you are,
This post is only about the speed of your speech.
There's nothing that says 'I am confident in what I'm saying'  than speaking slowly and delicately.
There are so many fast talkers in this world that one gets tired of them, most times it seems like the person that talks too fast is very unsure of themselves and don't give thought into their words before they say them.
People that actually speak slowly however have this 'listen to me carefully' message in every word they say. I believe when someone speaks to me slowly, they have given thought to everything they are about to say and errors shouldn't be found in what they say.
Fast talkers however seem like they are smart and calculated, but I'll have you know that when someone is speaking too fast, they are mostly lying or trying to convince you.
Think about it, when a person speaks slowly, don't you feel the urge to give them full attention, especially since you'll anticipate the next word that'll flow our of their mouth.
Now listen, when I say speak slowly, I don't mean you should talk like an old man, NO! nobody wants to listen to an old man, they are boring, (albeit wise)  but the funny thing is it's not what they say that is boring, but the speed of which they say it. Don't be an old man!
Look for a way that you can speak in the speed  right in between an old man and a typical fast talker.
It makes you sound confident regardless of what you say.

Confidence in your eyes

How much more is it going to be said, to build confidence, whether as a man or woman, you have to stop looking down and start looking at the face of the person you're speaking to.

Let me be honest to you, I don't have the tendency to become a bully, not at all, but if I see that the person I'm talking with does not know how to make eye contact with me, that person is weak as far as my evaluation of the person is concerned.

It's simple to make eye contact, the person you're speaking with is just as nervous as you are, unless that individual has learned to master the art of 'eye communication'.

Let's say you don't like looking at the pupils of your audience, trying looking at something else, for example the Nose or forehead, it might be simpler for you to look at these two features of the face rather than the eyeballs.

A woman should possess impeccable eye contacts skills,  why? Because it shows that she won't be bullied by men who have mastered this art but rather will be seem at thesame level as they are.

I have a friend (girl)  who does nothing but looks me in the eye when she speaks, the first time I started talking with this girl, I found it hard to make eye contact because it somewhat intimidated me to feel a pair of female eyes peering deep into my soul as I spoke and this sort of made me feel conscious of my words as I spoke.

Eye contact is essential if you are planning on being seen as a confident person, it does not matter if you are an Outspoken individual, if your eye contact skill is lacking, I'm afraid it's all for naught.

Walk confidently as a man

OK this is a tricky business,

As a man, to walk confidently you have to walk slowly (not sluggish) but it depends.

Why should you walk slowly?
Walking slowly is a major indicator that tells people looking at you that you are sure of yourself to a great extent and you don't need to rush yourself to wherever it is you're going (be it a meeting or an appointment)

Your walk says a lot about your confidence before you open your mouth, I've noticed some guys walk with their toes pointed sideways, this is bad.

Instead when you walk, make sure your toes are pointing forward. It's only common sense to walk this way, even animals don't point their toes sideways when they walk and hop, it's always pointed forward .

if you are as a busy person, in the office or on the street and you need to walk to your destination within a limited timespan, walking slowly might not be a good idea. In that case you have to walk fast. but listen, when I say "Walk fast"  I don't mean to 'hop'  or 'jog', instead you have to walk with an aim, you have to take your time on every step and yet move fast at the same time.

As you walk, make sure you put your feet in front of the other, not like catwalking! You're not a woman, put your feet in front of the other and make sure your thighs aren't rubbing on themselves.

On the other hand if you have no urgent needs, make sure you walk slowly (not sluggish)  walk firmly too, your feet must be firm on the ground in case you run into someone who might be running in your direction.

The funny thing is, I don't see any point in running except there's a danger nearby, I for one make effort to move fast on my feet and still walk slowly as well.

If you have problems knowing what I mean by walking slowly, study the way Royalty walks, don't emulate them though because they have nowhere they need hurrying to.  Study royalty walks and add a quicker pass to it, that's exactly how you should walk!  As a man.

How to talk confidently

How do you talk confidently?
In my experience, whenever I am sure of myself, I get my earnest face on and speak about what I know I would. For example;

Girl: Can you cook?
Me: *looks her straight in the face* Absolutely.

Now I'm not saying you should lie about what you know you can't do, and I'm not saying you should be arrogant about it.  Just be sure of yourself when you speak, don't look down, don't care what the listener is thinking or will think. TALK!

If you don't look down, or scratch the back of your head before you speak people will know you're sure of what you're saying. You have to speak smoothly while you speak as well, else people will think you're trying to lie your way through a sentence.Don't talk too much, instead, economize your words. For example; this example is a lack of confidence in one's words

Girl: Can you cook?
Boy: I can make a sandwich and some other things, I just haven't gotten around to the soup making part.

The girl will certainly know that this boy is trying to impress her with the little he knows.  A confident person doesn't try to impress with words, they don't need to explain their skills before you know how valuable they are. You don't ask a professional chef if he can cook, he'd probably reply with an "Oh please"  or "PFFT!".

Next time someone asks you a question to test your knowledge, don't say, just do.

Confidence

In my life I've learned one thing, if you are not confident about yourself and your actions, no one would take a second look at you.

Confidence matters in ALL we do, if you don't know what confidence is, do consult your dictionary. I am not here to define the word. Because there's no point knowing the definition of a word when you don't know how to execute the attribute

Confidence is the "I am sure of myself" attitude, this attitude can be in both optimistic and pessimistic situations. In front of a crowd, public speaking, talking to a lady or a guy, and so on

Confidence is the way you carry your 'self'  (with 'self' being your entire being) the way you walk, talk, look at people, your perception, your actions.

There's a lot to talk about on confidence, I'll start with "talk"  in my next post.

Overcome shyness with your phone.

The last time I talked about overcoming shyness and building confidence in oneself.
I emphasised on moving out of one's comfort zone just to improve on oneself, this time around, I'll be talking about using a very familiar tool to improve oneself.

Video recording: Yes, it's strange and familiar at the same time, the trick here is to record yourself and watch your actions. The days of practicing in front of a mirror are over, they say a camera never lies (how true it is you'll soon find out).

The other day I went to open a conversation with a girl I saw in a restaurant, I had a friend with me then, I asked him to make a video recording of my approach with the girl, he thought I was crazy.

At the end of the whole affair, I watched myself, where I said the wrong things and how my forehead furrowed at her rejection, in short I was disappointed and knew what I had to do to be better in my next approach.
It surely helped me in building confidence to approach the next girl I saw since I knew what not to do in front of her, and besides I had a chance to see myself in action.

My friend, if you have no body to record for you, it's fine. You can try to do your work on your own too.

Use video recording to your advantage and trust me, your shyness will dissipate as you watch yourself like a movie star *winks*. 

Overcome shyness 1

It's no news to hear that teenagers are a shy bunch, they might not admit it but most of them find it hard to express themselves to the public.
It has gotten to an alarming point of not being able express themselves in real life but would rather say everything they have to say to anyone, over the phone.
This is a bad lifestyle one should try as much as possible to drop.
I have this friend who is a girl and she once told me that she finds it hard to confront people face-to-face but would find it more comfortable to drop every bit of her emotions on a text message and emojis.
I just laughed and wondered. I wondered why this is so and what actions could be taken to help out my friend.
Eventually I realised that the problem came as a result of her growing up and how her parents treat her at home.

She rarely socialize or even speak when she's in public and this greatly affected her performance in school presentations and group works. She doesn't even know how to relate well with people in public.

If you are like my friend, there's hope because the only reason why she does so is due to low self-esteem. This can however be taken care of in a number of ways.
If you are the type that can only express yourself in chats and messages, switch to using voice messages,
if you prefer calling to messages, switch to face-to-face conversations,
if you prefer face-to-face, switch to speaking in groups,
if you speak in group, switch to speaking to a larger audience and so on.
Remember, gaining confidence actually starts with challenging yourself, move out of your comfort zone and eventually you get used to your uncomfortable situations.

Olu